An Old Maryland Favorite1
1 census map
4 cups Democratic voters
4 cups Republican voters
2 cups Unaffiliated voters
Regional adjustment: In a Republican-dominated state, use up to 5 firmly packed cups of Democrats; in a Democratic-dominated state, use up to 5 firmly packed cups of Republicans.
2 eggs, well beaten
1 teaspoon baking powder - or ¼ teaspoon of political ambition may be substituted – experience has shown a little goes a long way.
½ cup melted shortening (shortchanging of incumbents may be substituted, but the cake may become bitter)
½ cup milk
1 teaspoon artificial vanilla or other artificial flavoring - even artificial “reform” has been used!
Beat firmly until public interest subsides. Then add 1 map of election returns.
Pour beaten mixture into a baking dish carefully marked to show the locations of the homes of incumbents office holders.
Bake in a closed room* until immediately before the legislative session - or until an opinion poll can be inserted and removed cleanly.
*Note: For most reliable results, the room should be filled with loyal party leaders. Adding independent members may produce unpredictable results.
Caution: Do not expose to sunlight while baking - this may ruin your cake!
Refrigerate for at least 4 hours if your party has only recently gained a majority – in this situation, Gerrymander cake, like revenge, is a dish best served cold.
Cut into irregular slices. Serves 4 million voters - poorly.
1 This is the traditional Maryland recipe. Other states have similar recipes, which may be adapted for use in other locations, making adjustments as noted.